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Wednesday 31 August 2011

If i could..




with friendship; it doesn't matter how long you've known each other. or how many fights you got into.. what matters is who said " I'll be here for you " and proved it.


Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything; It just messes with your mind & steals your happiness.


It's not like you have a choice of who you love & who you don't. You just love someone. It doesn't mean that everyone else has to understand or approve of it. That's not love. Love is something special between two people that doesn't change or alter for anyone...But if given the choice, I'd still pick you<3


Forgive me, for all that I've done wrong.
Lead me back to where my heart belongs.

Can we start again?
Go back in time to where we started.
Can we start again?
What we have can't be discarded.

Silent thoughts were broken.
And words that can't be taken back.
But you mean so much more to me...
Than anything, anything I've ever known.

The finest parts of me are only shades of you.

I'm already there.
Don't make a sound.
I'm the beat in your heart.
I'm the moonlight shining down.
I'm the whisper in the wind.
And I'll be there until the end.
Can you feel the love that we share?


If the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes, I hold you near.
'Cause you're the only song I want to hear. . .
 A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere. . .

sometimes, i feel like i don't belong where i am and that i have the wrong people in my life. i get this feeling, like i'm an outsider even when i'm being included or that i'm always around people who don't know me at all. then i see you smile at me and i don't mind being invisible to the rest of the world, i realize i'll always feel alone without you around.

every time i've ever looked into his eyes, i got an urge. the urge is different every time. sometimes i want to jump into his arms, and sometimes i just want to remind him what it feels like to feel the chemistry in our kisses, and i even get the urge to tell him i love him, but every single time i look into his eyes, i feel the urge to not stop. i could stare into his eyes and say nothing, and walk away feeling like we just had the greatest conversation in the history of us.

I love this. It's like from the moment we see each other, there is constant laughter and sarcasm and commentary.  We never run out of things to talk about, yet sitting in silence is just as good. I'm completely comfortable with you. You're different. With you it's like an automatic haven. I feel fully and completely safe with you. Oh, and this stupid smile that's always across my face, thats a plus too

 really can't explain it, but I like you without even trying.
I love the things you say, and how you never fail to make me smile.
And by the end of the night, you're still always on my mind.

Let It Go..

Sometimes we hold on to people way to long, whether it be a friendship or a significant other. Trust me when I tell you letting go is not an easy lesson to learn.  A long time ago one of my friend sent me this message which I will share with you. I realized that I was blind in some areas with friendship recently. Some of my closest friends turned out to be nice acquaintances if that. Although it did hurt to think that someone I was so close to at one time, I really can’t just call and know they will be there or I have no idea what is going on in there lives. I have let go. It is a lesson learned.





Let it go-TD JAKES
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. 
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. 
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to Let them go..!!


If you are holding on to past hurts and pains, LET IT GO!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth, LET IT GO!
If someone has angered you, LET IT GO!


If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge, LET IT GO!


If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction, LET IT GO!


If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents, LET IT GO!


If you have a bad attitude, LET IT GO!


If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better, LET IT GO!


If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him, LET IT GO!


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship, LET IT GO!


If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves, LET IT GO!


If you’re feeling depressed and stressed, LET IT GO!


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you need to LET IT GO!

LET IT GO!!!

Tuesday 30 August 2011

Hati Pedih,Hati Sayu

Airmata Syawal 

Sayu... hati ini makin sayup,Rindu... terkenangkan desa permai..Wajah ayah bonda bermain di mata..Mengajak ku pulang ke desa,Di hari bahagia hari raya..Lama kutunggu,Bertemu di pagi mulia..Namun tidak kesampaian,Airmata jatuh berlinangan..Kuingin berulang manisnya bersama,Menyambut hari bahgia..Jarak memisahkan rindu pertemuan,Bilakah hasrat jadi nyata..Duhai ayah bonda ampunkan anakanda,Tak dapat beraya bersama.Jauh dari mata dekat dalam jiwa,Teguh kasihku tidak berubah..


Sayu rasa hati saya harini bila menjelang raya iaitu esok..saya sedih sgt2,hati saya pedih,walaupun raya esok,tp adde tetap enggan bertegur sapa,besar sgt ker salah saya utk dia bersikap dingin seolah2 saya buat satu kesalahan yang tak dapat lagi diampunkan oleh sesiapa pun..sudahlah saya sedih beraya jauh dari keluarga,yg mana ada disini pulak buat hal masing2..saya tak faham..hurmm..!!!

Jauh saya menyimpang dengan tajuk yg asal yang mana saya nak cerita harini saya call mak dan semua ahli keluarga saya utk mengucapkan "SELAMAT HARI RAYA'..saya pohon kemaafan pada semua,halalkan makan minum saya selama saya berada dibawah jagaan mereka,hati saya sayu kerana terpaksa beraya jauh dari mereka semua..

Saya harap mereka faham keadaan saya..

Latest update saya baru lepas call mak lagi tadi,dia menangis sebab saya tak dapat balik and dia tanya kenapa saya taknak balik raya..??perkataan "taknak" saya rasa tak sepatutnya dia beri pada saya sebab bukan saya taknak balik,tapi keadaan tak mengizinkan saya pulang kepangkuan mereka..dan lagi dia tanya apakah saya berkecik hati dengan mereka,dan saya jawab 'Tidak' ..!!walaupun mungkin ada sedikit kecil hati,tp jauh disudut hati saya untuk berdendam dengan keluarga saya apatah lagi dengan mak dan ayah saya..

Saya harap mereka faham keadaan saya..

Sekali saya pohon kemaafan dari hujung rambut hingga hujung kaki pada semua ahli keluarga saya,kawan2 saya,dan org2 yg saya sayang..SELAMAT MENYAMBUT AIDILFITRI..MAAF ZAHIR BATIN..




Sunday 28 August 2011

The only truth you should know

I am sorry for what we are had a silly conversation right now and i shouldn't mention it..It's just something silly cross on my mind and i knew that is very bloody thing, that i shouldn't cross it from this bloody head..!!i hate it..!!i hate make u hurt,i wont make u hurt,i can't even see u hurt,my chest so painful when i know u hurt even though u not show it to me..I AM SORRY BABY..as i said i do love u in no matter what happen,i am grateful God giving me a another chance to have a happy life with u..




Yes sometimes i'm afraid to give u my all, I’m afraid to love u completely. But the truth is I have given u my all, And I do love u completely there is no other person I want more than I want u.. and the reason it always comes down to losing u is because I’m so deeply afraid of losing u...
I love u because I know u’re always there… there to catch me when I fall… there to listen when I need u, there when I feel alone. I love u because u understand me… u know how I feel even when I can’t say it… u know I’m not as strong as I say and still u never let me know that I’m not fooling u. I love u because u make me believe, believe that I am not worthless… believe that i am worth it.. that I am beautiful, because when I’m with u i feel like the prettiest girl in the world..believe that I can be loved, am loved, and can love others. I love u because u know, u know I feel this way but can’t say it and still u wait… letting me take my time to come to terms with the fact that I love u… would give my life up to be with u… and above all… never hurt u… lie to u… or leave u. Now I hope u understand..
Do u want to know what my problem is..? I will tell u what my problem is, I LOVE U I love your name, I love the way u look at me, I love your amazing smile, I love the way u walk with your sexy bum bum, I love your eyes, I love what u look like when u are asleep, I love the sound of your laugh, to hear your voice fills my entire heart with an indescribable feeling. I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life and seeing u completely changes my mood. I love how when u touch me I get weak, that is my problem…
Maybe it’s the way u grab my hand and hold it… or the way u kiss me… or maybe it’s the way u let me put my arms around u when we sleep… maybe it’s the way u look at me… and your smile just makes me melt… maybe it’s the way we can text for hours about absolutely nothing but I still feel like I just had the best conversation of my whole life… maybe it’s the way that I want to break down and cry when I think about how u hold me up on a pedestal… maybe that’s it… that makes me want u so much.. maybe that’s what makes me miss u so much.. maybe that’s why I’m so afraid of losing u.. u are my world.. maybe when u touch me, hold me, look at me, even when your around me I’m happy ,and you are just the most amazing thing in the world.. and the truth is I love u with all my heart..
And the truth is also u make me happy.. I fall more in love with u every day (:

Raya Datang Lagi..

Raya dtg lagi,puasa pun dah berakhir..but this year fasting not really enjoy as usual,hati sedih,pilu sumanya ada la..yes maybe org pandang saya skrg saya tgh happy,mmg saya happy,tp happy saya tak bermakna kalau semua yg saya rancang tak menjadi..


3 hari lepas saya call mak dan ayah saya dikampung,sedih sgt bila saya dgr suara dia,dia cakap,'Mak ada 6 org anak,tapi raya tahun nie 2 org jer dari anak2 mak balik..!!mana anak mak yg lain pegi..??teburai airmata saya bila mak mengadu dia rindu anak2 berkumpul satu keluarga,dia rindu pagi2 raya sebab kami adik beradik semua beratur utk mohon maaf dari mak dan ayah,saya hanya mampu pujuk mak dgn beri janji2 saya,bahawa raya tahun depan saya akan balik dan beraya dengan mak,saya janji..!!!tu janji saya..luluh ati saya bila mak bgtau adik saya nak melansungkan perkahwinan selepas raya,dia harap sgt saya blk,tp sekali lagi saya beri janji saya,saya cakap saya akan blk,tggu jer la ok..!!!saya dah tak tahu apa lagi jawapan yang sepatutnya saya bagi pada mak utk pujuk mak dari berhenti menangis..oh mak,maafkan saya,saya tak mampu untuk beritahu apa yg sepatutnya mak tahu kenapa saya tak dapat balik beraya dengan mak..


Lagi dua hari nak raya,tapi saya dan adde masih lagi tak betegur sapa,saya tak tahu mana silapnya..saya tak tahu macam mana saya sambut raya tahun ni,yes Mr Baby ada temankan saya,tapi saya masih lagi harap saya dapat beraya bersama2 adde..saya dah buntu idea bila otak saya mula befikir bagaimana sambutan raya saya tahun ni..life must go on jesse,c'mon u can do it..!!!


Orait dah jauh saya menyimpang,di kesempatan ini saya ingin mengucap 'SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI' buat keluarga saya,rakan2 saya,BFF saya,cinta hati saya dan semua yang kenal saya,cewahhh..!!!cam bg dedication raya kat tv la plak..


Esok Mr Baby saya plan nak buat cake tuk hari raya,c'mon baby..!!u can do it..!!make me proud..!!;-)Yaayyy...!!




Selamat Hari Raya dari saya berdua,semoga raya tahun ini memberi kita seribu satu kenangan yang terindah..saya sayang mak,ayah,dan awak2 semua..










  

Wednesday 24 August 2011

Missing You



Taken at Mr Stephan Residency. Every life has one true love snapshot -- I feel extremely lonely right now. It's like I'm gonna explode due to sadness.My Baby going away to Swindon till tomorrow.. I'm so not used to it, if he's not around! I miss and love you Baby.. :-(

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Doctor appointment

"NOBODY HAS OVARIAN CANCER" is the story of my journey to, through, and beyond Stage III C Ovarian Cancer. I am literally one of thousands of women facing this deadly disease or it's recurrence. It's about my fight to have a meaningful life, for as long as I am able to live. Never give up. My faith, family, My Baby,friends and treatment team have given me strength to walk this winding road..


After being up most of the night with worries,with nightmare, I was able to come home after from my appointment and take a nap after had one injection...great new i have get treatment start next month and if i always think positive he said i can get cure from that treatment that i going through soon..i wish he not giving me the false hope.. 

He spoke to those issues and said that I just need to keep exercising, and keep doing more, because i have to help myself not other people...

I'm headache again..!!!:-(


Yes u are my SOULMATE

Hi peeps..xx
Quick update again,two days ago i did a surprise to my baby,i've put lot's of afford to make it our second month anniversary as lovely as i can..19th june 2011,i pick that sacred date to be our Anniversary and i did it..I am tired but from deep of my heart i feel OMG when my baby wanna coming back home.??.mean while waiting for him,i'll get ready for the food that i cook,not much but i tried to make it as best as i can for him..my heart was pounding mean while i'm waiting for him to coming back home,and guess what,i send text to him,and i ask him to buy some ice cube for no reason just because of my heart beat go to fast not like before even though i can't wait for him to coming back..that's funny..!!And he just text me back and said 'Ok baby,i'll drop by to the Nisa Shop and get some ice cube,see u later'..xx..

And finally he come back and arrive home but my heart still pounding,i just let him go straight to the kitchen and after few minute i just let him in the kitchen and finally i've surrender that i need to go and get him as soon as i can..i saw him smile and he said,'Owh baby,it's so sweet of u'..!!u put lot's of afford to do all these thing and i appreciate that and I LOVE U LOT'S BABY'..!!and my mouth just get lock and i can't say even one single words..i am so happy when he's happy and i tried to make both of us happy..and i love it..the only thing i can do that time it's just cuddle him up till i immerse into him..and yes I LOVE U EVEN MORE BABY..xx

When he had a dinner and enjoy the food that i cook for him,he ask me wether i allowed him to read that special card i gave to him or not,and i said suit yourself if u want to read it because that's for u.!!.and he was smiling reading our anniversary card..After finish dinner i ask him to open his present that i bough for him,and i'm glad he love that pressie..He said thank u to me and deffo i said my pleasure and i love u baby..he fitting his clothes and seems he quite like it because he said i have a good taste and his quite impressive...well i'll upload a few piccies around preparation dinner,and dinner night,and also his pressie and also mine..thank u baby,i love u with all my heart..

Preparation for Anniversary dinner and his pressie

Here we go..dinner night..xx

My pressie from him

 i LOve it..!!!

From the moment our eyes met baby, our hearts knew what our minds couldn't comprehend. I have never felt such an unexplainable love that we share. I could never find enough words to express my love for u. even though i do lot's of afford to show u how much i love u..The feeling is so overwhelming that a moment without u when u not around is like a thousand years with the sun. I want to give to u the joy u have brought to my life. U ARE MY LIVING BREATH,MY LIFE,MY LOVE AND MY SOULMATE..I am the luckiest woman in the world to be with u. I have never been so happy in my life then I am when I'm with u. U mean the whole world to me and I can't wait for the day when the world knows the love I have for u. I want nothing more then to be a wonderful wife and perfect mother for our children soon..


There are no words to express how I feel about u. I constantly search for the words, and they all seem less than I truly feel. U are my life, my heart, and my soul. You are my best friend. U are my one true love.

I Just Love Him..xx

I still remember the day we first met. I knew that u were the one I was meant to be with forever. I thought of u every day, and dreamed of u each night since after i going back home about an a month.. Just when I thought u had forgotten me, u would call and make all my dreams seem real. The sound of your voice on the line, was the sweetest sound I would ever find. Then one day when finally the time that i was waiting to coming back here and met u,u gave me a kiss on my neck, and told me that u loved me a lot. My heart was beating hard within my chest. My hand was shaking and I could barely breathe. Then u came out to see me and I knew it was meant to be. Those were the sweetest days, of memories of the past. I had to be near u, lying on your chest. I need to show u, that u were the best. So I made the decision to tell you how I feel. When u said you felt the same, I felt it was a dream. I packed up my stuff and altered my life. I never looked back,even though lot's of things happen between me and Adde, now you will make me your wife. I am on a cloud,immerse.. living in a dream, and a few month from now, it will really feel real. I wrote into this blog for u to keep, and when you need a reminder of how I feel. I've said it before and I'll say it again, words cannot express how u make me feel. I make this promise to u BABY, to love u the way that u love me. I now look to the future and forget the past, your life is mine and we will make it last. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I'll love you more tomorrow than I do today. With all my heart I am forever yours. ..

Although sometimes I question things, deep inside I know that u are the only one for me. When I'm not with u, u are the only one I'm thinking of. Everything about u tells me that we can be together forever. Only u can make me feel like time STOPS when I'm with you. Only u can make things better when it feels like the end. Only u can be the one to smooth my fears away. For this I'm grateful and I hope you never leave. I love you baby..xxx

Thursday 18 August 2011



From the bottom of my heart, i.love.you! 




It is time to struggle again for the very last time while waiting for u everyday before u coming back home..
Time flies and it is coming to an end.
I wish time goes a lil' bit slower this time because I know I will definitely miss the moments.

I appreciate every single moment with you.
As long as I'm with you, anywhere is fine.
I just love the moment when I'm with you.
It's not being love that makes me happy.
Its being in love with you that makes me happy.

Wednesday 17 August 2011

Pweeee..!!!

Hi ..
Just a quick update..two days ago when I was working, I get a short message from the love of my heart, i guess he is at work that time, and he told he had the accident when he was on his way to work ..MASYAALLAHI fell like somebody pull my heart away from me when I get news that morningand then i straight away give him call and guess what  he said to me..??' baby dont worry, I'm ok' .. but i feel frust When my Motorbike had a crash this morning. .. OMG, I am bloody  worried about him but he worried about his bike .. darling, thats just a metal .. we can substitute a new one if we wanted to change it,but  if anything happen to u or u get damage from that accident tell me where should i get the replacement..??gggrrr...baby .. baby .. but it doesn't matter now, because everything still under controlhe's ok ,Alhamdulillah.. When I see him yesterday and while waiting for him coming back home from work,it's really make my heart beat so fast,don't know how the condition of him..but now Alhamdulillah everything ok..Love u lots baby..xx



Sunday 14 August 2011

sadness



“I am disappointed with you!”
My heart feels like being cut by a sharp knife after hearing the words above.
Therefore,
I asked myself some questions today:
"If something bad happened, shall I be sad?”
“What is the definition for sadness?”
“Shall I sad if I fail to achieve what I supposed to get?”
“Shall my emotions be affected by other’s opinions?”
I am sure most people will answer “YES” since we are human.
Human do have feelings.
Anyway,
The next four lines are the answers from my heart:
“If something bad happened, let it be, I still have to carry on my life!”
“I don’t know the definition but who cares, as long as I know life is short”
“I get what I deserved! (If you eat salty fish, you should bear the thirst)”
“Why should I care bout other’s opinions, this is my OWN LIFE!!”
At least,
I am satisfied with my life and there are lots more that keeps me happy! :)

Thursday 4 August 2011

When I fall for you..xx



Baby...
Never in a million years did I ever think that I could find the kind of happiness and love that I have found with you. You are a dream come true and I'm really glad that fate brought us together.  And I know that with every day we are together, the love just gets stronger and stronger. i just want u to know that I love you and thank you for all the love and happiness you've brought to me. you know how hard things have been for me this last few year and I know you have been through the same thing, but when I found you I knew I wasn't alone and I did not feel alone anymore. You were there for me when no one else was or when no one else understood. That means more to me than anything, I am so lucky that I fell in love with such an amazing person like you. I love u..



Baby..
You are my everything. Thank you for loving me the way no one can. You understand me and you know just how to make things right. You will never know just how much I love you, but I will spend the rest of my days trying to show you. You saved me from the worst, and you are always there for me. No matter what, there will never be another for me and I will always keep you safe. Baby you mean the world to me and I care about you so deeply that it hurts for the short time that we are not together each day. My every thought and breath, I draw from you and I truly do love you.yes as u know i do love you and you are my world. You are the most sweetest, most precious man in my life. All my life I prayed for someone like you and I thank God that I finally found you. Love, promise me that you will always be mine. I know in my heart our love will never die. You will always be a part of me and I am a part of you indefinitely.LOL,I don't find enough words to describe how I feel about you. You possess all the color and beauty of heavens, lush and satiny. Do you know how much I hunger for your gentle touch and the warmth embrace of your body..?I know sound a bot dirty but that the truth and i do want u baby..

I love you..you are my every heartbeat and my every breath. 


Baby..
When I met you, my life could not have been in a worse state. My heart had been broken too many times to count and life just didn't seem worth living anymore. Then you came along.From the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew that you would be someone that would make me smile again. You had such a warm, soft look on your face that I knew there was comfort and friendship in your heart. We started out as friends and you were the rock I needed in my life. I soon began to realize that what I was feeling for you was more than a friendship... something so overwhelming and wonderful that I couldn't even believe it myself. You opened my heart to new and wonderful things! You showed me what love really is and showed me that I was worth loving.you have given me hope, fulfilled dreams, and given me a reason to go on. You have helped me become a better person.. You have completed me in more ways than you could ever imagine! The love you have given to me is sometimes so hard to believe that I still have to pinch myself to make sure it's really in my life..!



I wonder what would have become of me if you were not right with me. Your love is the sunshine that shines every day of my life, you are the rain that showers in my soul ... love is a magic isnt it..? it works like a miracle. 


Baby..
As we know sometimes life can be cruel but when it all comes together there is no moment as sweet as what we had now..That is how I feel about you entering my life. You have rekindled the flame called love in me. You have given one more reason to look forward to tomorrow. Now, you are a significant part of my life and I look forward to the day when we can make it permanent. I love you so much. I love you for your kindness, for your caring and giving nature, for your beauty - both inner and outer, and most of all I love you because you are you. The fact that you show me who you really are and not what you think I may want. baby, let this letter be a testament to my true feelings for you. The whole world can see and know how I feel for you.



From the moment our eyes met, our hearts knew what our minds couldn't comprehend. I have never felt such an unexplainable love that we share. I could never find enough words to express my love for you. The feeling is so overwhelming that a moment without you is like a thousand years with the sun. I want to give to you the joy you have brought to my life. You are my living breath, my life, my love, my soulmate. I love you with all my heart.

Your Love
Jesse xx


Wednesday 3 August 2011

Home Sweet Home

Hey Bloggers..meet u guy's again..just quickie update because i'm a bit exhausted as i had a long flight back home..HOME SWEET HOME JESSE.i cant believe after what i'm going trough with the surgery finally i'm back with peace even though i bring the sicknesses together with me..well that's life and that's the thing i need to face it every day even though i knew sometimes that sickness making me down and guess what,yesterday i had my first depression..i don't know what i'm thinking,but my head just floating on the sky and i feel lost..

Finally i have my bed again..i love my bed.i know it's sound silly but i don't bother what people gonna say to me,what i know i love my bed and my nunu..( pillow)

But today again i had my depression,i feel lost,i need someone to talk,but i have no one here..everybody busy with their life,working.

I think i need to go out get the fresh air..till continue again soon,see u guy's..xx

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